recently, elle magazine had an article on 10 things that should be found in every woman’s closet. i would share the list with you, only due to my lack of organizational skills – i can’t find it, since i am sure by now one of my boys turned it into a paper airplane and soared it into the neighbors yard – again, or perhaps my husband confiscated it since he thought it was yet another shopping list of mine as i do my part to stimulate the economy. anyways, the list contained items such as a good pair of black pumps, the lbd, a crisp white shirt, a nice pair of denims, diamond earrings…etc. in fact, i did have all the items on the list, minus the crisp white shirt – mine is dingy gray with clorox bleached tiny spaghetti handprints on it (c’mon, i’ve got boys remember?!) – but then i realized, women, especially modern mamas - have WAY more than 10 items in their closets! so, with this in mind, i thought it is much BETTER to have a list of 10 items that should NOT be found in any woman’s closet, so here goes:

10 things that should NOT be found in your closet (from the modern mama’s perspective, of course):

1. mom jeans (need i say more?)
2. white pumps.  white, strappy sandals are fine, metallics are even a better alternative.
3. nude nylons. …especially in ’suntan’.
4. anything with shoulder pads (make friends with a good tailor, if the blazer/coat is salvageable)
5. neon. citrus colors are good (think turquoise, citron, and coral) – neon is bad.
6. colored slouchy socks. your’e not in jr. high anymore, your socks shouldn’t be coordinated to match your outfit.
7. hair scrunchies.
8. pants with pleats. they were cool in the early 90’s when you wore them to the mc hammer concert (i know I did…twice! – lol), but now, even mc hammer ‘can’t touch this’ fashion foul.
9. mock turtlenecks. anyone seen in public with someone wearing one of these should assume the ’scared/embarrassed turtle position’ and tuck their head in and hide.
10. gauchos.  unless you are a native cowboy of south america (where the name is derived from), these fashion fouls need to ride off into the sunset never to be found again.  they made a brief blip on the ‘c-list fashion scene’ in the summer of 2006, but now they need to find a permanent home at a goodwill near you.

*originally posted on poshmama.com by the modern mama, feature contributor for poshmama.com, the hip hangout for haute mamas!

i know when i came back to the blog-osphere, i vowed to try and post at least two times per week…however, lately my day job has been seeming to get in the way of my blogging (and mad ranting!), so this week i only have a quickie post (and apology) that this week’s post is going ’solo-mio’…since i gotta continue to support my diet coke and shoe addiction.

now i know i have home decor listed as one of my topics, and home decor is really my passion - so here goes…here is a fabulous new site (or at least new to ME!) - called wall candy arts.  they adversitse themselves as offering ‘hip surface graphics’ and i think they deliver!  the wallies for kids are cute and modern, and the chalkboard removable decals are the coolest things ever.  i am putting the rococo down on my santa wish list - at 31″ x 18″ - size does matter as this erasable chalkboard can help any modern mama’s life and home be organized and stylish without breaking the bank!

stay-tuned for my holiday wish list that all modern mama’s can use!  from the fabulous to the practical, this list will have it ALL…because we deserve it, right?!

let me just start off by saying, ‘fear the mjs’.  no, i am not talking about michael jackson or michael jordan, but now that i think about it, you probably should fear them, too – what i am talking about is the ‘mom jeans’.  never heard of the term ‘mom jeans’?!  then you probably have a pair or two in your closet – in fact, you may even be wearing a pair now.

check out these two FUNNY videos on the dreaded mom jeans.  for those of you at work and are in a cubicle environment, i recommend you wait until you are at home to watch them because (1) you need to have sound and (2) you will laugh your pants off…but, then again, if you are wearing mom jeans, that’s a good thing….

here are the modern mama’s rules when it comes to jeans:

1. first of all, don’t call them jeans.  they are called denims. it is kind of like referring to soda as       ‘pop’…you are just outdating yourself and appearing a little old school – but not in a good way.
2. if you have ANY denims purchased before the new millennium, or in reality, before the last presidential election – get rid of them.
3. unless you are a celebrity/rockstar, you should not own any colored denims (one white pair for summer and one black pair for winter are ok, but they’d better be jet black and dressy, not acid washed and 80’s)
4. each pair should sit 1-4” BELOW your belly button and not taper down from your knee (unless they are ‘skinny denims’ that you pair with some ballet flats or boots).
5. your denims should NOT however, sit below your hip bones – unless you are under 25 and have abs of steel…then feel free to flaunt away and the rest of us will just despise you
6. the hem should sit ¼ of an inch above the ground.  this is sometimes hard to pull off with different shoe heights, but if you can fully see your shoes when standing up - then hopefully you are at a clam bake diggin’ for clams and waiting for the next tide to roll in.
7. buy denims by the fit, not by the size on the tag.  the old 501 days from the 80’s are gone so your waistline isn’t advertised on the outside tag.  this comment goes for clothes in general since there is no universal standard to clothes.  denims fit better and look better when they are slightly ‘too big’ and drape nicely on your curves – rather than all eyes focused on your zipper screaming for air and just waiting to bust out at the seams.
8. don’t wear denims with pleats.
9. don’t wear denims with pleats. (sorry, i had to put this one twice, just in case anyone missed it the first time!
10. and, since i started off with michael jackson, i might as well end with him – if you wear mom jeans - never never never wear exposed white socks with your tapered leg mom jeans – you will just end up looking like the king of pop with everyone within range of your fashion foul wanting you to ‘beat it’.

finally, the ONLY thing worse than a mom wearing mom jeans is a female who is NOT a mom and still wears them…and for the record – i don’t cook, but at least i clean – and i wouldn’t be caught dead in a pair of mom jeans!

ps. want more mama fashion tips?!  be on the look-out for my upcoming post on “two-word phrases that should never be uttered or found in your closet!”