let me just start off by saying, ‘fear the mjs’.  no, i am not talking about michael jackson or michael jordan, but now that i think about it, you probably should fear them, too – what i am talking about is the ‘mom jeans’.  never heard of the term ‘mom jeans’?!  then you probably have a pair or two in your closet – in fact, you may even be wearing a pair now.

check out these two FUNNY videos on the dreaded mom jeans.  for those of you at work and are in a cubicle environment, i recommend you wait until you are at home to watch them because (1) you need to have sound and (2) you will laugh your pants off…but, then again, if you are wearing mom jeans, that’s a good thing….

here are the modern mama’s rules when it comes to jeans:

1. first of all, don’t call them jeans.  they are called denims. it is kind of like referring to soda as       ‘pop’…you are just outdating yourself and appearing a little old school – but not in a good way.
2. if you have ANY denims purchased before the new millennium, or in reality, before the last presidential election – get rid of them.
3. unless you are a celebrity/rockstar, you should not own any colored denims (one white pair for summer and one black pair for winter are ok, but they’d better be jet black and dressy, not acid washed and 80’s)
4. each pair should sit 1-4” BELOW your belly button and not taper down from your knee (unless they are ‘skinny denims’ that you pair with some ballet flats or boots).
5. your denims should NOT however, sit below your hip bones – unless you are under 25 and have abs of steel…then feel free to flaunt away and the rest of us will just despise you
6. the hem should sit ¼ of an inch above the ground.  this is sometimes hard to pull off with different shoe heights, but if you can fully see your shoes when standing up - then hopefully you are at a clam bake diggin’ for clams and waiting for the next tide to roll in.
7. buy denims by the fit, not by the size on the tag.  the old 501 days from the 80’s are gone so your waistline isn’t advertised on the outside tag.  this comment goes for clothes in general since there is no universal standard to clothes.  denims fit better and look better when they are slightly ‘too big’ and drape nicely on your curves – rather than all eyes focused on your zipper screaming for air and just waiting to bust out at the seams.
8. don’t wear denims with pleats.
9. don’t wear denims with pleats. (sorry, i had to put this one twice, just in case anyone missed it the first time!
10. and, since i started off with michael jackson, i might as well end with him – if you wear mom jeans - never never never wear exposed white socks with your tapered leg mom jeans – you will just end up looking like the king of pop with everyone within range of your fashion foul wanting you to ‘beat it’.

finally, the ONLY thing worse than a mom wearing mom jeans is a female who is NOT a mom and still wears them…and for the record – i don’t cook, but at least i clean – and i wouldn’t be caught dead in a pair of mom jeans!

ps. want more mama fashion tips?!  be on the look-out for my upcoming post on “two-word phrases that should never be uttered or found in your closet!”

the other day i saw an ad for crocs, this time advertising their new ‘fashionable crocs for summer fashionistas’. after seeing what they deemed ‘fashionable’, any modern mama with any fashion sense (and even those without!) would know that ‘fashionable crocs’ is the ultimate oxy-moron because unless your age is still in single digits, there is nothing fashionable or ‘cute’ about crocs. In fact, their own ad slogan ‘what a CROC’ says it best displaying an ugly rubber pump-type shoe that no one would be caught dead in, even it came in leather. now I can hear the complaints already – but their so comfortable, their anti-microbial and odor resistant, blah, blah, blah… i don’t know about you, but i personally have never been comfortable in something that i am truly embarrassed to be wearing altogether (think bridesmaid dresses from hell).

kids and crocs make sense since they are easy to slip on and off, just don’t ‘jibbitize’ them. what are jibbitz? they are those plastic things that go into the holes of your kids crocs to let child molesters far and wide know all about your precious offspring. all of a sudden your kids shoes have a voice (even before some kids do!) and tell the world – “hi, my name is jeff (j-e-f-f not g-e-o-f-f), my favorite color is red, and i like dolphins and soccer – come strike up a conversation with me by pretending like you know me cuz now you do!” read more

now i know i may have offended some mama’s with definition #3 of a modern mama so let me try and shed some modern mama light on the subject. i have NO PROBLEM with other kids who wear licensed characters, nor with other mamas who buy them for their kids, I just don’t like them for MY KIDS! when dressing my kids, my rule of thumb is - if the article of clothing were ‘adult sized’, would an adult look ridiculous wearing it (see part I)? Infants are another story…winnie the pooh is cute and cuddly for an infant, but the winnie the pooh clothing line should stop at size 9-12 months. why should i pay $18.00 for a bob the builder t-shirt when i can pay the same amount for quiksilver, hurley, nike, or puma? bob the builder is a wonderful toy and tv show - and even as a pajama that can be worn behind closed doors at home, but not so cute as a warm-up suit for public consumption!

now, don’t get me wrong - I love disney and its characters as much as the next person, and my kids are big fans of toy story, cars, etc. so, let me share with you some wasy to bring the magic of disney ‘home’ (but not in your kids’ dresser drawers)!

disney characters or a disney-themed room would be a big hit for any young child. not only are there countless products available ranging from bedsheets, to wall decor, to room accessories, but it also an easy theme to DIY it. the best thing about most children’s characters is the fact that they originated as cartoon characters so are simple ‘line-art’ subject to create as murals in your room of choice. with only a few dollars spent at your local craft store on some acryllic paint tubes (craftart, apple barrel, etc), you can add disney characters to your walls or any paintable surface in your kids’ rooms. any of you mama’s out there - have you done any ‘custom designs’ in your kids’ rooms? if so, please POST them on this site and share your creativity with all the other fab mamas out there!

…and if you just GOTTA do the license character thing for your kid’s wardrobe - go with something timeless like curious george, hello kitty, or paul frank!

i often wonder why disneyland and disney stores sell character clothing in adult sizes (just like i wonder WHY they make spandex in XXL sizes, but that’s a whole other subject entirely), but when i leave my house only to discover that the reason why they do is because adults actually BUY and WEAR this stuff in public! yes, adults spend their hard earned money to wear a mouse with no shirt or a duck with no pants across their chest! this is all i am going to say on this subject because these are consenting adults making these fashion faux paus, but just for the record - disney is a destination, not a designer! don’t get me wrong - vintage mickey or snoopy, etc is COOL - but if it’s not vintage, than just say no…

vintage mickey baby-doll tees